Comparison is the Killer of Joy

I first heard this quote when I went to the Growth Summit in 2018 with my good friend, Mark Moore. Rachel Hollis was one of the speakers. Rachel is a best-selling author, and one of her books entitled, “Girl, Stop Apologizing” has sold over 1.5 million copies.
Rachel talked heavily about how comparing yourself to others can be detrimental to your success. She said, “Comparison is the killer of joy.” She is so right!
Most people focus on what they don’t have. They see people on social media posting about buying a new house, getting married, going on these luxurious vacations, and going on and on about the great things in their life.
And while a part of them is happy for other people’s success, another part gets jealous, frustrated, and depressed because they may not have those things. I have heard people say that scrolling Facebook or Instagram can make them feel sad because they immediately think about what they don’t have in their life.
Melissa and I attend The Cross Church in Deerfield Beach. The other day, Pastor Tommy Boland, was talking about how there are two kinds of pride. The positive pride is feeling great about your family, your achievements, and the life you have built.
The sin of pride is comparing yourself to others. He said it is wrong, and the constant comparisons can lead you down a dark road of depression and sadness.
Let’s get this out on the table. Social media is a highlight reel of people’s lives. No one is living the perfect life free from frustrations, problems, and challenges. Do many people post about their problems? Of course not!
They show all the great things! They show the amazing business they built, the new house they just bought, the new car they just got, the new, incredibly loving relationship they are in, etc. It is an overview of the positives in their life.
Should we allow what others have or don’t have influence our self-esteem? Hell no! And while we know this logically, emotionally it can be hard.
How can we live our best life and stop comparing ourselves and our lives to others? Here are a few ideas.
Strategy #1: Focus on what you do have!
Tony Robbins says when you ask better questions, you get better answers. So, ask yourself, “What do I love about my life? What am I most proud of? What do I have that I am incredibly grateful for?” Asking the right questions will get you to focus on all the blessings, victories, and achievements that you already have.
Tony also says that progress is the key to happiness in life. When we are seeing and feeling progress in our lives, we feel happier and more joyful. Focus on the areas of your life that are moving in the right direction.
I’m sure when you really look, you will see just how truly wealthy you already are!
Strategy #2: Cut back on social media!
I once read that you can either spend your time living your life, or you can waste your time by observing other people’ lives.
I love social media because we can reach an enormous amount of people very quickly. It’s never been easier to stay in touch with friends, family members, and loved ones.
As a business owner, Facebook and Instagram allow Elite Force Martial Arts to connect with people in our community for little money, and it brings new students in the front door, and it motivates old students to start training again.
There are a ton of positives, however if you feel bad, sad, or depressed when scrolling because you are comparing your life to someone else’s, cut back immediately!
Rachel Hollis told the crowd in Arizona that she posts on social media for business, but that is it. She does not scroll to see what others are up to. She said that when she did, she would naturally start comparing herself to others and that lead to intense anxiety, so she stopped.
And for the record, she has over 1.6 million followers on Instagram.
Strategy #3: Journal your feelings
I don’t believe that ignoring certain recurring thoughts will make them go away. Maybe that works for some people, and if it does, good for you.
I have found that writing down how I feel and the circumstance around my feelings helps me to clarify my emotional state and helps me to proactively deal with those emotions.
Sometimes just putting the feelings on paper can feel like a weight has been lifted. Try it! I hope it works for you!

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