I forget who I was talking to but someone once told me that the quality of your life comes down to the quality of your relationships. The more I thought about it, the more I agreed with him.
Money is important, but there are a lot of very rich people who are miserable. So, money alone is not the answer. On the other side of that, we all know people who are earning a modest living and yet they are some of the happiest and most fulfilled people out there.
I have been thinking about relationships a lot lately, because I just read an incredible book on marriage called “Go Giver Marriage”. The essence of the book is about how having an attitude of giving will allow you to receive more.
This is the 4th book in the series, and all of them are centered around the Pindar Principle, which is, “The more you give, the more you have.”
The 5 Secrets to Lasting Love were so profound that I wanted to share them with all of you, and to learn more about them, by all means, get the book!
The 1st Secret: Appreciate
When you appreciate your spouse or significant other, you look for specific things about them that you love. Appreciation does not stop there though. To show genuine appreciation, you must tell them, and the more things you find to appreciate, the better!
Is your spouse a great parent? Are they hyper focused on climbing the corporate ladder at work? Are they incredibly thoughtful?
My wife is very committed to helping our daughter succeed on the dance team. She brings her to all the events, which are incredibly long! She is enthusiastic and encouraging when Alexa Rae is about to compete.
She prepares thoroughly for these events, and believe me, there is a lot to remember. The sheer amount of stuff you need to bring to be sure your dancer is prepared is incredible!
What do you appreciate about your spouse or significant other?
The 2nd Secret: Attend
Being attentive means showing that you are paying attention through some tangible action. It is noticing what your partner needs, wants, and enjoys, and then giving it to them.
This could be as simple as helping with the laundry or housework if they are sick or extremely busy at work. This could be bringing them a cup of coffee in the morning if they had a rough night’s sleep.
When you are attending to them, you aren’t just paying attention. You are taking action to show them you are paying attention and you that you care.
What can you do to be more attentive in your relationships?
The 3rd Secret: Allow
Allowing has two sides. On one side, it is being responsible for the energy you bring to the relationship. That means being aware of your attitude, actions, voice quality, and tone.
Oprah Winfrey hangs the same sign in every room in which she has a meeting, and that sign says, “Be responsible for the energy you bring into the room!”
The second side of allowing is accepting your partner for who they are. You are accepting all their flaws along with all their great qualities. When we are dating someone new, we are totally focused on that person’s positive qualities. However, once we have been with someone for a while, the tendency is to focus more attention on that person’s flaw, quirks, and bad habits.
To be great at the third secret, you want to become your partner’s safe harbor, according to John David Mann. Let them know you love them completely, flaws and all, and that it is AOK to be who they really are.
Can you be more allowing of your partner?
The 4th Secret: Believe
Believe in your partner 100%! Show them that you completely trust them, and you have faith in them.
Every one of us has fears, uncertainties, and doubts that hold us back. They are a part of life, however, if you are feeding your spouse with encouragement, praise, and faith, you can boost them to be their best self.
As rock icon Jon Bon Jovi says, “You’ve got to keep the faith!”
How can you show your partner how much you believe in them?
The 5th Secret: Grow
The fifth secret is not about your partner, it is about you. It is you identifying what you need to be happy and fulfilled and then giving that gift to yourself.
The reality is you can not be your best self for your partner if you do not take care of yourself. There is a reason they say on the airplane to put your mask on first before helping others. If you don’t help yourself first, you could end up dead!
Fitness is very important to both my wife and me, so we make sure each of us has time every day to workout. It keeps us both feeling good. We are both far more patient, proactive, and happier when we have worked out.
She loves martial arts, Yoga, and tennis. I love mixed martial arts, Jiu-Jitsu, and weight training, so we make sure to give each other time to grow individually.
What gift can you give yourself so you can be your best for your partner?
In full disclosure, I am a student of these principles. I have not mastered them yet – Just ask my wife! 😊
I am working on them though!
Now it is time for us to get to work. Read? Set? Grow!